Panic, loneliness and depression
Yesterday was tough. I experienced all kinds of emotions that I wasn't in control of, and that I didn't agree with. You know that's a problem because I like to think that I choose my emotions. I am afraid and looking forward to a particular calling that I might be getting. It would stretch me like nothing else. Of course I would grow, but my lifestyle would change so much. What is now relaxing time with my wife would become meetings, people coming at me with needs, and stress. I'd be expected to always be there and be capable, no matter how the rest of my day went, and no matter what time it is, and no matter if I had time for it. I'd have people deciding I wasn't enough, and mumbling to my face that I'm not getting it. I'd have to decide if they're right, and how much to listen to their complaints. I could make adjustments, then listen the next day to someone else who had an opposite opinion. My friends wouldn't see me the same. The kinds of...